OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
