Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
