soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
smell my finger.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
