508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
