I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
