Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
