I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
