I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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