I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
