Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
