im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
