I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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