ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He? As in you personified your dick?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
