apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
