I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
