i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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