so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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