my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize