im about as happy as oj after his trial
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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