Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
