two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
