Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
