i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i've created a new STD.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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