How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
