Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
