Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
