i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
