Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
