like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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