I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
