I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
