If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Randomize
