dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
someone threw a dead crab at me
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
