he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
