DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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