Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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