I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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