You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Everyone says I win the strip club
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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