come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
