I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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