i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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