I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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