Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
