genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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