Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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