What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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