i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
