You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
