i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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