she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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