you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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