; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
