no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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