thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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