That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
