mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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