i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
