you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
