you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
