Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
