Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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