Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
