you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
