I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
