It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
