i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
