We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
